Blue light protocol in Bananaville

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At last a ‘protocol’ has been drawn up which motorists are to follow when a vehicle sporting a blue light tries to flag them down.

While the law is very clear about it being a criminal offence to not stop when told to do so by police or traffic officials, misplaced uniforms and other government paraphernalia have become regular features in hijackings, thus necessitating the Justice Project SA and the Road Traffic Management Cooperation issuing a standard protocol.

Let us take a look at what some know-it-all behind a desk considers the correct procedure to follow when the ‘law’ tries to overtake you.

• Slow down to 40km/h and turn your hazard lights on.

This is standard African protocol for just about any strange happenings on the road, including talking on your cell phone and taking part in a wedding procession. So I guess it’s the right thing to do in the situation.

• Place your right arm out the window and gesture for the blue light vehicle to follow you.

Now that sounds risky. On South African roads any hand gesture is interpreted as an act of aggression, and depending on whether Officer Truman passed or failed his shooting exam, you are likely to lose anything from a middle finger or a whole hand.

• Proceed to the nearest police or petrol station – a well-lit and safe area.

Yes, service stations are well-lit, but the last time I saw more than one feeble light outside a police station was, well, not since the light bulb was invented. Anyhow, what if Officer Truman spots you somewhere in rural KZN? Places are few and far between, so at 40km/h I surely hope you have nerves of steel and he has the patience of Gandhi.

• Call 10111 and try to get the registration number of the car following you.

What happened to not talking on your phone while driving? By doing so you are giving Officer Truman even more reason to shoot your middle finger off.

• Inform the operator that you are being flagged down by a police officer and are stopping at a safe place.

Have you phoned 10111 lately? If you did you will know chances are that the person on the other end of the line will be Chinese.

• When you arrive at the police or petrol station, remain in the vehicle until instructed otherwise by an officer.

Central to the circumstances is to always remain calm.

It is potentially a highly stressful situation, so if you present a calm exterior, the officials will likely respond in kind’, says Justice Project SA’s Chairman Howard Dembovsky.

This new protocol has already attracted a lot of media attention across the country, and while it’s even supported by the AA, most motorists feel that it’s absurd.