London Letter: Becoming a virtual traveller – without a bag of mealie-meal

Sometimes the planning of a trip is as much fun as the trip itself.

I found that with fishing and camping as a young guy; the preparation was often even more exciting than the happening.

I would spend endless hours on the phone with fellow conspirators deciding what bait we would use; what spear guns we were taking; the reefs we were going to fish and how we were going to take no prisoners.

Food and accommodation took all of about five minutes, unlike today where planning involves what good restaurants are nearby.

In fact, in my youth on one trip we took only a bag of mealie-meal as we were going to feast on all the fish we caught. I lost a lot of weight and to this day, I can’t stand mealie-meal.

Also, weather wasn’t a factor in our planning, whereas in reality it is the single biggest issue.

One trip I made with two friends as a teenager to Xai-Xai (Shy-Shy) on the Mozambique coast became a semi-survival expedition as we ran out of money (I lost it all when the tide came in and swept away my clothes on the beach), the rains thundered in like monsoons and the roads in and out of the area were impassable.

And we caught no fish.

Fortunately I have a short memory and within weeks of returning home was already planning the next outing.

The main aspect that has changed nowadays is that it is management who is the key planner, not me.

However, unlike the old days of mealie-meal and makeshift tents, she goes onto the Internet with her friend Google, and I am now a veteran virtual traveller.

At first it used to irritate me when she talked about holidays on the Riviera as if I had unlimited time off and cash reserves.

Then I realised that wasn’t the point; it was fun just thinking about it, and for every dud holiday she Googled (although in virtual holidays there are no duds), one or two emerged that we could actually go on.

Take for example the time we spent in Tuscany last year. That normally would be way out of budget for someone like me on moderate salary and approaching retirement age with minimal pension.

Virtual hikes

But I humoured her and after a few virtual hikes through the Chianti Hills, we actually found it was affordable.

That also whetted management’s interest in hiking; something I have really got into now. So on one of our virtual holidays she saw a recommendation by a crowd called Walking World, which is based in the UK.

Eager to find some walks around us, she joined Walking World and through it we not only found hikes nearby in areas with beauty we never knew England possessed, but also ended up in Spain over New Year enjoying sun unheard of during European winters and at bargain prices.

But it gets better. I recently managed to wangle a new pair of fishing waders to haunt French rivers just because management did a virtual tour of Brittany.

The fact that I haven’t used them yet is beside the point; the Brittany trip is already virtually planned. We just have to go to management’s nephew’s wedding in South Africa first, which, knowing him, will be even more fun.

But I still have my waders.

At the moment, management is talking me through walking tours of the Algarve in Portugal. This hit a minor glitch when she said we would fly into Lagos and I thought she was talking about Nigeria, where Boko Haram is not doing such a great job promoting tourism. But no, there actually is a Lagos (Lah-goosh) on the beaches of Portugal.

Will we ever get there?

I don’t know. I only have several weeks leave a year, whereas management has the whole of summer, and only several quid in my bank account while paying rent for three separate homes with the brats at various universities.

But even if we don’t go, the imagination is running riot. Just like the old days, but without mealie-meal and makeshift tents.