If there ever was a time to be affected by Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) in England, it is right now.
Indeed, all the dire warnings of UK’s foul weather given to me by suntanned Zululanders before I left South Africa almost 14 years ago have now come true with a vengeance.
We are having the rainiest winter for 100 years – as long as records began – and the amount of sunshine over the past few months can be counted in hours, not days.
Whole swathes of the country are under water, and in the county of Somerset (now ‘fondly’ known as Wetterset) children go to school by boat. Some houses have been half-a-metre under water since Christmas, and residents describe leaving their villages as going to the mainland.
But even worse, the local lake where I fish has burst its banks and I’m basically casting from a fence bordering the neighbouring farm. The fish don’t seem to mind; I caught three in a section that was dry land a month ago, and they are the best-tasting I’ve had.
Of course, this Noah’s Ark scenario was missed by the Met Office which hasn’t put its head above the parapet since it predicted a barbecue summer five years ago that resulted in the second wettest period we’ve ever had. But as I mentioned in a previous column, their forecasts are so weighted in global warming hype that any prediction which does not fry us doesn’t appear on their radar.
However, the deluge hasn’t stopped global warming devotees from blaming the storms on that fact that we’re about to boil. I presume that’s because they believe rain is actually steam.
They’re also the city slickers who blame the flooding on the fact that many countryside villages are built on flood plains and so deserve what they get. However, they squirm quite a bit when it’s pointed out that most of London is a flood plain, and it’s only the hugely expensive Thames Barrier that prevents Cockneys from becoming scuba divers.
Ironically, the Houses of Parliament would be among the first buildings to sink if the Thames flooded, so there you go.
But in Wetter … er, Somerset, the villages that are flooded date back to Saxon chief Alfred the Great, nearly 14 Centuries ago. So how come they are only gasping for air now?
The answer, according to crusty old countrymen, is that for centuries the rivers that flow through the county were dredged and acted as natural drainage. Today, thanks to the greenies, Gaia fetishists and the European Union, all river dredging is banned.
Leaving aside the fact that if a river silts up too much or gets clogged with weed it will die, and so will the fish, this has got to be one of the looniest schemes ever devised.
Dredging methods were initially honed by Monks living in remote monasteries, who presumably worshipped God instead of Gaia. Big mistake, according to the Greenies, most of whom live in London and don’t have to swim to work every day, thanks to the aforementioned man-made Thames Barrier. Dredging rivers, they argue, is against nature, and we shouldn’t build on floodplains.
Again, one wonders what they’re smoking. Much of England is a flood plain and has been properly managed for centuries.
Also, all of England is above sea level – unlike Holland, much of which is below the ocean and only survives due to dredging and dykes, with or without little boys plugging holes with their fingers. When last was Holland seriously flooded? Hmmm … can’t remember.
So it’s back to SAD. I’m starting to suffer from it and even though I’m catching fish, I would rather not do so on what was previously dry land. I long for some sun, even though sun doesn’t mean warmth here in winter. But at least it’s colour in the sky.
Great! I’ve just heard the latest weather report. More rain is on its way.
