I have a friend who, bless it, will be turning 30 this year and she wanted advice from her sage old friend (me) on how her life will be impacted by this momentous change. So as I laughed and poured myself another drink, I thought back to my youthful days and how they’re different now that I’m in my very late mid-30s, and this is what I came up with.
1. Everyone on television is so young
When you’re in your 20s – or younger even – everyone on television is older than you and you honestly don’t think you will ever get to that age. Now, you watch re-runs of your favourite sitcoms and those aged characters are now all younger than you! Even Phoebe. And don’t even bother with sports’ stars.
They’ve achieved more by 25 than you’ll ever hope to so it’s best to just give up now and glide into old age with a few teeth intact.
2. Your concept of age alters
This brings me onto my next point – reflecting on age. The thing about growing older is that you don’t ever think of yourself as old – just ask my 91-year-old grandmother before she reverses over you in the car she still thinks she can drive – so you just adapt your concept of what old and young mean. Where in your 20s, children and teenagers were considered ‘young’, now it’s really any of these hipster morons talking to themselves while they ‘Tinder’. And where 40 once seemed the start of geriatric life, you look at people in their 40s as fresh-faced youth still finding their feet. And glasses.
3. Time has a completely new meaning
When you were discussing your groovy weekend plans with all your hip cronies, you would talk about ‘staying out late’ and ‘partying till dawn’ and you actually meant it. A night out would be 4am or 5am, and it’s likely you could do that twice in a row. You hit 30 and suddenly ‘late’ means anytime after 8pm. Or that someone is dead.
4. Everything is now a classic
Classic rock used to refer to The Who, The Doors and The Rolling Stones. Now these radio DJs are trying to convince you that Nirvana and Smashing Pumpkins is classic rock? How even? Just because it’s been around for decades? And then you try to console yourself by watching old movies on TCM only to find ‘Gone with the Wind’ has been replaced by ‘Dumb & Dumber’. Well, there are worse ways to spend a Saturday night.
5. Social events
The era of bachelorette’s, weddings and baby showers is now coming to a close and you’re having to look forward to the hugely depressing post-divorce parties your friends are having to throw in an effort to give their lives meaning.
Fortunately, we are not quite at the stage of ‘John? Is he still alive?’ or – even worse – being invited to the kitchen tea…but not the bachelorette’s….
