UNLESS you, like me, have been hiding under a rock for the past few months, you will be aware that the national elections are almost upon us.
And yes, this does mean ANOTHER public holiday (I mean, the economy doesn’t really need people to actually attend work does it?), but it also means you have to go out there, stand in a queue, show your ID, and put an X wherever your heart takes you.
This also means there’s going to be lots of ‘political talk’, something I avoid at all costs because nobody is ever right (besides me) and everyone just ends up annoyed (mostly me).
But it’s worth having a basic understanding of how it all works. So here’s my interpretation of politics and the related terminology in South Africa.
Campaigning
This is where politicians hand out lots of brightly coloured T-shirts bearing smiling pictures of themselves to residents in the rural areas of the country, smiling for photographs and hugging babies and the elderly while promising them the riches of the world. They then leave these areas, not to return again for another five years when campaigning begins again.
Launching the Manifesto
A large-scale stadium is booked and transportation organised for these T-shirt wearing residents as the political party outlines its list of absolute nonsensical promises set to become ‘reality’ if they’re voted in as the ruling party. Everything from gold-rimmed takkies to diamond-encrusted vuvuzelas are on the cards.
I mean, politicians are nothing if not honest… right?
Who’s Who?
There are 48 political parties on the ballot lists this year, but I know of the Big 3.
• The ANC: the ruling party, instrumental (but please note – not the only group responsible) in bringing an end to apartheid.
They started off strong with Nelson Mandela, the pinnacle of humanity, but slipped somewhat down a slope of muck-encrusted greed and corruption, peaking with Jacob Zuma and his Gupta cronies.
• The DA: the official opposition party which takes this role so much to heart that it’s got no clear idea of what it actually wants to achieve.
• The EFF: trendy red berets and workers’ overalls in Parliament. Gucci suits, gold-rimmed shoes and diamond-encrusted vuvuzelas in their Sandton homes. A true ‘party for the people’ (see George Orwell’s ‘Animal Farm’ for a clearer understanding of this trajectory).
Voting Day
South Africans wake up with the traditional public holiday-induced hangover, followed by more beer and braais, only to rush to the nearest voting station before closing time.
A political party is chosen in the booth, probably at random, and then back to the party before work (what’s that?) starts tomorrow.
Results
Marginal differences in overall numbers from the previous election that makes no real difference to the man on the street.
Some people emigrate. Some people immigrate. The rest just coast on waiting for the next public holiday…
HAVE YOUR SAY
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