WHEN it comes to parenting – and this is for fur babies and the squidgy, slightly more expensive human kind as well – the toughest decision is generally the first one post-birth…choosing a name.
So much has to go into this one decision and it is, literally, going to stay with your child – fur child or other – for life.
Is the name too common? Is it not common enough? Does it work with the child’s surname? Do you need to take family considerations into it? (I’m looking at you Marvin). Does it mean something crude in a different language? What does it sound like when abbreviated? What is the acronym? Is it easy to pronounce? What spelling do you take? What are the historical connotations? (Oh Adolf).
And on and on it goes…
So it is – almost – understandable when some parents get it somewhat wrong. But seriously, it’s your child’s name!
However, it does make for some really amusing banter. We’ve all encountered a few unfortunately named individuals and, to their parents’ credit, the name is at least memorable.
Family friends could only smile inwardly when they were introduced to the Taylors. A perfectly innocuous surname. And their lovely daughter, Jenna. Another name that isn’t going to raise any eyebrows. But ‘Jenna Taylor’?! Come on!
But we can’t always fault the parents. Sometimes, when marrying into a family, it’s worth rejecting the patriarchal notion of adopting your husband’s surname. Well I would have argued this if I was Carrie Anne…marrying John Rice.
That’s nothing though, when one considers a very kindly patient who happened to be seeing a friend of mine who, at the time, was studying to become a pharmacist in the Eastern Cape. His day was made when he asked for her name – Fanny Hares.
But then, South Africa does seem to be quite lenient in terms of what you can and can’t name your children – sometimes to the detriment of the child.
This was most certainly the case for Victor Don’t Worry Sambu, Two-Rand Ndlovu (why not a higher amount at the very least?!) and Killmequick Jefferey Sanderson.
Further afield, there is stricter legislation determining what name you can actually bestow upon your child, resulting in several court cases and even prison time for parents. In France, the names ‘Nutella’ and ‘Fraise’ (strawberry) are on the banned list, while Sweden has banned ‘Metallica’ and ‘BRFXXCCXXMNPCCCCLLLMMNPRXVCLMNCKSSQLBB11116’ (pronounced ‘Albin’ obviously).
But you have to wonder what’s happening in New Zealand where the government had to outlaw ‘Talula Does the Hula from Hawaii’, ‘Anal’ and ‘Sex Fruit’.
Different countries have different naming laws, some more stringent than others.
I feel that, if you’re too stupid enough to give a child an appropriate name, you’re too stupid to be a parent.
And I can assure you, ‘Orgasm’, ‘Laxative’ and ‘Hairy Berry’ all agree with me.
HAVE YOUR SAY
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