FOR eons we’ve been shunned by communities, treated as social pariahs for our obsession, and had images of our beloved ‘fur kids’ turned into memes by internet trolls jealous of our connection.
But I’ve decided enough is enough!
I will be taking a stand for the crazy cat ladies everywhere – those wild-haired women with homes smelling of cat wee, those recently dumped 30-something-year-old women with no hope of children and those little girls who’d rather spend time chatting to their kittens than joining the other children on the playground.
Now is the time to put forward the case of the crazy cat ladies. And to this end, I’ve outlined exactly why we love these feline friends more than most humans out there.
Cat energy
Cats, unlike any other animal, give off a powerful healing force that I like to call ‘cat energy’.
There is no medicine you will find in the pharmacy, no hug from loved ones and no hangover cure quite as effective as ‘cat energy’.
You can’t force cat energy though, the cat will bring you the energy as and when required. It’s usually when you’re lying in a reclined position, praying for death, that the cat will simply lie on your chest and make everything better.
Why do anything?
If you have a dog, you have a walk it. If you have a friend, you have to arrange to meet him or her.
What does a cat need from you? Nothing.
A cat is happiest when lying in some awkward position, left alone, untouched and undisturbed.
That’s the level of neediness I want in my life.
3. Creepy crawly catcher
Spiders, rats, weird bugs with more legs than seems necessary – they are all at the mercy of the intrepid cat!
Dogs and husbands will simply run away, but cats are always up for the challenge of attacking some creepy intruder.
Sure, they might play with it for a while and – yes – they do catch the odd bird, but overall, they have some real purpose.
Role models
Anyone who has tried to attract a cat with those inane ‘here kitty kitties’ will know the result – it’s not going to be the cat prancing happily up to you.
Rather, the cat will shoot you a look so withering, you’ll be embarrassed you were ever born.
I have worked my entire life to master that look, and I’m nowhere close. Cats are my heroes.
Anti-consumerist notions
Walk into any pet store and you will find it lined with balls, dingly dangly bells at the ends of sticks, fake mice, cat beds, scratching posts… really a whole host of items specifically designed to suit your cat.
You can buy every single one of them and your cat will do exactly what cats always do – ignore them.
They don’t want stupid toys or comfy beds – they want real mice and a box. They don’t want a fancy scratching post – they want your furniture. They fight the consumerist model wherever possible.
Respect.
Unexpected love
Cats will not come when you call them. They will not come when you plead. They will not come if you’re dangling those cat toys I warned you not to buy.
But the minute you lie down with a book, sit down at your desk to work, or open a can of tuna, there they are!
Cats want affection, but only when they want it. And best you’d give it to them or you could end up with a nasty face scratch.
Yes cats are difficult, but underneath all that fur, bitterness and self-preservation lies an incredible creature worthy of your love.
Just like crazy cat ladies.
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