Why is it that some people cannot park straight? Were they dropped on their heads as children? I’m not even talking about those who park right on top of the white line.
I’m referring to drivers who have never, not once in their aslant lives, been able to get all four wheels in the same parking bay. Is it perhaps because of some sort of medical condition?
I’m thinking something along the lines of Skewparker’s Misalignment Disorder… If so, can it perhaps be cured by prescribing something? We have to investigate all probable causes and possible solutions.
If the reason is medical, then I’m sure Adcock Ingram can develop a suppository, a large and powerful one. Another explanation might be that they are doing it on purpose because they
want to make some sort of statement.
Artists and politicians are known for doing stupid things purely to be noticed. But nowadays every
other car looks like it was dropped where it stands by parachute, and surely every second person cannot be from the bent and shady walk of life, so let’s dig deeper…
What about religious reasons? I vaguely recall having read something in the Bible about walking the ‘straight and narrow’ to achieve eternal bliss, so it cannot be that or else these stray parkers will all burn in hell.
And if you miss a 3m parking bay with a Kia Picanto on a regular basis, then you have absolutely no
chance of hitting the Pearly Gates in what is essentially the biggest parking lot out there.
You will just end up going backwards and forwards for all eternity. That brings me to another possible theory; perhaps they are all possessed by evil spirits?
‘The devil made me do it…’ No, I don’t think so. He’s too busy collecting bribe money at the test centre, but maybe those other two evil spirits, Smirnoff and Richelieu, have a hand in it.
Or perhaps it’s a combination of all of the above:
• Your mom dropped you on your head as a baby and now you suffer from a terrible disorder, which
causes you to be a half- baked bastard who thinks the universe revolves around you.
• You got your licence by bribing a corrupt traffic official, and driving under the influence of alcohol is how you roll every other day.
• We really need that suppository. It must at least be the size of a Kia Picanto.
