Ask Dr Mo Lovemore – Fish wife, or fishing wife?

Question from Jan:

Dr Lovemore, my wife has started, again, with the nonsense that we should spend more ‘quality time’ together.

She suggested that I take her along when I go fishing.

She says we will be like buddies and that it will be great fun. Doc, I’m not so sure if it’s a good idea.

What do you think, should I teach her how to fish?

Dr Mo Lovemore answers:

Jan, taking your wife fishing is the worst idea ever.

Don’t do it!

Your marriage will end up on the rocks.

Let me explain:

First of all, you will have to teach her to fish, which means showing her how to tie a hook to a line – a thousand times over – and she will still not get it.

For some unexplained reason women can thread string through a microscopic needle eye and make it stay there without any knots being involved, but that’s where it ends.

I think it’s got something to do with evolution, or the paranormal.

You will also have to show her how to prepare bait and, heaven help us, to tie the whole lot to the hook and make it stay there until it reaches the water.

Which brings me to the next improbability; getting her to cast into the actual water where the fish are.

Rocks, trees, a boat’s gunnels, other fishermen, her own eye, the dog’s eye, your eye…

Those are all things which a woman can hit while casting, with amazing consistency.

But open water in a straight line… never!

Only with a fluke shot, which will mean absolutely zilch because halfway through the cast you saw the bait coming off the hook.

But that is when you keep your mouth shut and just let her think it is still on, just to get two minutes of peace and do some angling of your own.

And Jan… you know how your fingers smell a bit fishy after messing around with sardines the whole day?

Well, imagine your wife’s fingers smelling like that?

It’s a big turn-off.

But what’s even worse is the probability that she might, with luck that only a woman can have sometimes, catch a bigger fish than you and you will never hear the end of it.

So, if you want to spend the whole day baiting up for someone else, lose an eye in the process and be called a loser on the way home, yes, take her fishing.

But if you really have to do the ‘quality time’ thing, then I strongly recommend that you rather take her out for fish and chips and a movie.