Walking down the road of hoplessness

RESPONDING to the letter in the Zululand Observer of 4 July ‘Heal yourself to enable you to heal them’

I too am a mother of a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. Note that I speak in the positive sense as I am always hopeful that he will recover.

I am his adopted mum. When his natural mum was pregnant with my son, she was already an alcoholic, so even if she managed to stop drinking during this

pregnancy it was already too late for my child.

Adding bipolar and ADHD to that, you kind of wonder what chance he has.

None of this I knew at the time and I was so desperate to have a child of my own, I overlooked all the signs.

I have even tried disowning him and so has his dad.

I have left him to sleep behind a church in Richards Bay while I lay in my warm, safe bed, listening to the rain, hoping and praying that he was okay and hopefully learning the lesson of how terrible it is to have nothing and seeking help.

That did not work.

I tried sending him to a friend, of which he only has one. He is also a loner so does not make friends easily. He did not last long there either.

He has been sent to a recovery centre where he became ill and the local doctor prescribed cough medicine containing alcohol and we were back to where we started.

He won’t go to the government rehab centre via Sanca and I cannot afford to send him to a private one.

I visited him this morning to give him some food, warm clothing and some medicine as he said he was not well.

I told him he could not visit me this weekend as I was busy, knowing this was a mistake.

I arrive to find him high, stoned or drunk, or all of the above.

He is one of the most talented, incredible self taught artists that I have ever met and has a landlord that allows him a space to work.

When he is sober, he is one of the nicest, deepest, spiritual people.

People say, leave him, laugh him off, wash your hands of him.

It is very difficult to put into action. I hope the people who say these things so flippantly never have to walk a mile in my shoes as a parent.

MOTHER