THIS freelancing life has many advantages.
Working from bed in my PJs. Sleeping when I’m supposed to be working. Chatting for hours to my cat.
But I am at the mercy of technology which can often be somewhat of a setback, particularly when you’re operating from Nkandla’s outer fields.
So, when it comes to talking on the phone, I inevitably have to spell out certain words and this is where it gets tricky.
I know I’m not alone here when I say that having to revert to using the NATO alphabet to phonetically describe words makes me panic more than Donald Trump trying to recall his Twitter password.
My mind starts desperately trying to visualise the list, but all I can think of is completely inappropriate words or descriptions from my bygone days as an English Literature undergrad.
– ‘Jon’ did you say?
– Yes
– Can you spell that?
– Sure. It’s ‘J’ as in ‘jesuit’, ‘o’ as in ‘onomatopaiea’ and ‘n’ as in ‘nutsack’. Got it?
At least I’m better than my English-teaching husband who panics to the point of complete obscurity. His telephone conversations are unfathomable, even to him.
– ‘Pat’ did you say? Can you spell that?
– Um, ok. It’s ‘p’ as in ‘pterodactyl’…’a’ as in ‘aisle’… and ‘t’ as in… ‘Tzaneen’.
– [Silence]
To be fair, the phonetic alphabet is most commonly used in military settings, and my only military experience is braving the warzone that is Woolworths during a Quality Sale. Which is probably more of a military experience than most of those in the SANDF. So, I’m really of the opinion that we can now celebrate the end of conscription, some decades back, with the introduction of a new phonetic alphabet.
Our wonderfully diverse cultural demographic also means that it’s vital we have a phonetic alphabet dedicated to the South African public.
I can’t go spelling out ‘b for Brexit’ or ‘I for impeached’, as this has no cultural or political significance to someone from Mpophomeni.
There has to be a shared understanding to make the conversation really flow.
So, here is the new suggested South African phonetic alphabet – patent pending.
A – Ag nee
B – Bell Pottinger
C – Corruption coalition
D – Data must fall
E – EFF off Eskom
F – Fire Pool
G – Gupta compound
H – Honourable Hlaudi
I – Investigating committee
J – Ja Nee
K – Kickbacks
L – Load-shedding schedule
M – Mahikeng tourism highlights
N – Nkandla upgrades
O – Over the limit
P – Polar Operational Environmental Satellite (P.O.E.S)
Q – Questionable dealings
R – Ramaphoria
S – Saxonwold shebeen
T – Tzaneen
U – Union delegates
V – VBS looting
W – White monopoly capital
X – eXonerated for inciting xenophobia
Y – Yebo
Z – Zondo Commission
There you have it. Easy as … well, something.
HAVE YOUR SAY
Like our Facebook page and follow us on Twitter.
For news straight to your phone invite us:
WhatsApp – 072 069 4169
Instagram – zululand_observer
