In these liberal times we live in, how do you enhance your personal profile to show your status as an open-minded, non-racial and unprejudiced member of society?
Gone are the days when it was sufficient to drop a well-timed and too loud ‘According to my black friends…’ in the coffee shop.
Everybody knows those ‘friends’ whom you so recklessly quote are the nanny and gardener, and that you don’t have any ‘actual’ friends of colour.
And that selfie with the receptionist and the fellow from Human Resources taken at the Christmas party, posted on Facebook, is also no longer enough to push up your BBBEE score.
No, you have to be seen doing genuine white middle-class stuff with friends of all hues.
They must not be there to mind your children, but because they enjoy your pale middle-class company instead of sitting at home watching match officials being beaten up because Kaiser Chiefs lost to Free State Stars.
Struggle credentials
The problem is, a proper bout of brutal soccer violence is way more exciting than anything you can dream up, so where to find real friends willing to be bored to death on a lonely, liberal Saturday afternoon?
The solution is lying on the couch with his eyeballs stuck to the screen of a 12-inch tablet.
Your child!
Storm or River can push your social BBBEE score up to an inch of struggle credential level without you even having to pay them, like when you want their rooms cleaned.
All that’s needed is to ask, whenever you go somewhere, whether Storm and River would like to invite a friend along?
They have lots of friends of all races because unlike when you attended school, people of colour no longer get classified as limpet miners and shot at when they come closer than 10 metres of the front fence.
We’ve really come a long, liberal way, and today children of all races are swapping Box Meals with Happy Meals during break without there being anthrax involved.
And, of course, they will want friends to go with to the beach, because children are children and having others to play with is second only to destroying your retinas on the couch.
The future
If your little brats invite the guy from Human Recources’ brats, he can watch soccer violence in peace at his home, and you are spared two hours of non-stop nagging.
No matter what colour you are, it’s a win-win situation.
Of course your liberal friends will smell the rat you are, but accusing a liberal of using children for their colour is right up there with claiming R800 for a nondescript rescue dog, is madness.
The only obstacle I can foresee is if your child doesn’t have any friends of colour, and if that’s the case, you and little Hitler junior should perhaps have a look at property prices in Orania.
No, rather embrace change and help make this country better.
If your children can do it, so can you.
Do it for them.
After all, as Michael Jackson aptly said, they are the future.
