BLOGGING THE VIEW: Getting through Valentine’s Day unscathed

Valentine’s Day brings with it so many emotions for us all. Love, perhaps, but mostly resentment, bitterness and angst…particularly for the single folk out there. This is a day of dread, to be avoided at all costs, but – as you would know by walking into any shop from mid-January – Valentine’s Day is almost here.

Don’t despair, millions of singletons have survived Valentine’s Days gone by and you can survive this one too. Here’s some advice on how to get through the red and pink tsunami that’s about to strike.

1. Send yourself a gift

There is the off-chance that a secret admirer might send you a gift on Valentine’s Day, but then there’s also a good chance that no such secret admirer exists. That doesn’t mean you can’t be your own secret admirer – you are, in fact, intelligent, good looking and funny and you’ve been admiring yourself for years, so why stop now?

Depending on how much admiration you have for yourself, the gift can be anything from a long-stemmed rose to a basket of assorted treats. Just remember not to sign the card.

2. Acknowledging your environmental contribution

Valentine’s Day is really just a massacre of flowers…not to mention the countless trees destroyed to make cliché cards featuring bears and bunnies in love. By being single, alone and unloved on Valentine’s Day, you are actively reducing your carbon footprint and playing a really important role in saving the planet. Well done!

3. Avoid social media

Let’s face it, social media is a vortex of false happiness intended to make ‘friends’ less satisfied with their own lives. Nobody wants to see images of happy couples celebrating overly romantic clichés but these gag-inducing pictures will, no doubt, take over your timeline as the 14 February rolls in.

The schadenfreudian in all of us wants to see these couples crying into their champagne rather than laughing at the skies in matching shirts. You know these images aren’t true reflections of happy lives…the people posting them know they aren’t not a true reflection of happy lives…but they will still make you question every decision you’ve taken until this point. Play it safe and just avoid all social media on Valentine’s Day.

4. Hide your phone

The temptation to call old flames after that second bottle of wine is going to be really difficult to fight. I would never advise you to hide the wine, but be sensible and hide your phone. The only thing worse than Valentine’s Day is Valentine’s Day remorse. Don’t drink and dial.

5. Visit your nearest play area

Nothing makes you feel grateful for your solitude quite like watching parents tearing their hair out while their children go nuts at a playground. Pick your favourite local restaurant with a play area, try not to be creepy, and enjoy a cappuccino while you relish in the joy of your single life.

Just remember, it’s only one day of the year. The remaining 364 days will be spent without anyone commenting on your single status and lack of a family. Unless you’re in your 30s. And if that’s the case, best you get on that Tinder.